Metaphors and Definitions

This is the final item on my 9 Ways to Lessen Your Word Count writing advice list!

Welcome back! Or Welcome! If you’ve read any of the previous articles on aforementioned list, you may have a pretty good idea of several pitfalls and tactics to avoid the pitfalls of overwriting. Yet, you may find that your sentences and paragraphs are still really long and overwhelming your readers. I’ve got two more ideas for you here!

Of course, overly long paragraphs and sentences may just be a product of showing too much or redundant phrasing, so be sure that you’ve looked at those too, if these don’t help!

~ Getting lost in metaphor ~

It took me forever to figure out how to write a metaphor and not a simile. What is the difference?

A simile is a comparison of two things using the word “like” or “as”

Example: You are like a rose. / Your smile is as a rose to me, delicate and warm.

A metaphor on the other hand is the same thing, without “like” or “as”

Example: You are a rose. / Your smile is a rose to me, delicate and warm.

Metaphors are beloved, I think, because they are stronger and more immersive than similes. However, it is important that we don’t get so lost in our comparisons that we forget what we were talking about to begin with. It can also help to watch out for unnecessary comparisons or explanations. Less can be more here.

Overwriting:

From the void of death, dust swirled against the tides of time like a gentle tornado. Life gathered. Snow pulsed through the winter woods, a gentle breath across the land, blowing cool air over the barren trees.  

Black stemmed flowers shown an orange glow like a lightbulb in the midnight groves of magic where his body became tangible. Cold as ice. Still. He was a corpse. A forgotten treasure covered in the cold, white sand, forever forgotten by the pirate that might seek such a treasure. A beautiful treasure. A statue of memory for the world before. 

And although the snow would have liked to bury this body like sand dunes bury the skeletons of long-dead mammoths, a breath swelled in his chest, denying the snow the ethical right to do so. More followed until, like a steam engine starting up, his lungs fed cold oxygen to his heart, his veins, as if it were meat to a starving lion. Magic trickled with it. The steam engine warmed with relief. Life—energy—fuel—had finally returned to the would-be corpselike statue of a boy. He was alive. 

Better:

From the void of death, dust swirled against the tides of time. Life gathered. Snow pulsed gently through the winter woods. 

Black stemmed flowers shown an orange glow in the midnight groves of magic where his body became tangible. Cold. Still. A statue of memory for the world before. 

A breath swelled in his chest. More followed until, steady, his lungs fed cold oxygen to his heart, his veins. Magic trickled with it. 

Notice how much we cut the word count? Some metaphors are amazing and helpful, but too much figurative language can muddle the story and screw up the pacing. This includes personification (ascribing ethics to the snow). Balance and voice are important. You’ll have to find your own line when it comes to how much figurative language is best for you.

Either way, remember, every sentence should add something new, not say the same thing in a different way. If you find yourself needing multiple metaphors to describe the same thing, it might be that 1) you just haven’t found the right single metaphor yet, 2) you need to use something else instead of a metaphor to get the idea across, or 3) your just having fun and overwriting. XD

Note: Perhaps you are using different metaphors to create atmosphere or differing feelings and nuance. This is sometimes fine and effective, but do this with care and caution. Make sure you really need them and you are breaking this “rule” effectively when you do. 😉

Likewise, pay attention to confusing metaphors. This boy is meant to be presented as a fleshy human, but the use of steam engine makes him seem more like a machine and confuses the image. Metaphors and similes are wonderful and amazing tools, (I kept the “statue of memory” because it does help paint the atmosphere), but be careful not to overuse or misuse them! (The above example text is actually part of my own short story, found here!)

~ Defining the word ~

This, again, is something totally fine, unless you are overusing it. Sometimes, we get so enthralled in detail and description that we end up using way more words than necessary to say things like “typed.”

Example:

She moved her fingers rapidly over the keyboard, punching various keys into words and sentences as they flashed in sync on the screen above, forming the words, "Meet me at the gas station."

Obviously, we could have just said:

She typed, "Meet me at the gas station."

So, yeah. Be careful not to get too technical with what you’re saying. It can be difficult to write “He stood,” or “She walked across the room,” but I promise, your readers don’t need luxurious detail in every sentence.

If you find yourself struggling, I recommend playing around with websites like this! There you can type the definition of a word you’re looking for, (e.g. walk slowly and cautiously) and get a bunch of suggested word for it that already exist (creep, tiptoe, saunter, amble, stroll, etc.) Not only can this help cut down the word count, but it can also just make your writing more impactful and build your vocabulary!

~ Final Words ~

There are many morals to this story. One might be to trust your readers more. It can also be difficult to find the sweet spot between holding the readers’ hands and leaving them in the dark. Overwriting doesn’t necessarily solve either of these. Trial and error may be the best way to find out just how much you can trust your reader. Be sure to ask questions about what was confusing or what they understood when you get beta readers.

Still struggling to stop overwriting? There are many solutions! Two tactics I know are:

1. Overwrite. Let your soul fly and get it all out. Overwrite until you find the not-overwriting. Overwrite until you find the right way to convey the meaning/action/image, and then delete the road you took to get there!
2. Practice responding to prompts that limit word count a lot. #VSS365 (Very Short Story, 365 days a year) on Twitter and BlueSky is a great way to practice this. Whatever you do, make sure you find it challenging and commit to telling the story or getting the idea across within the limited word count.

My friends, that concludes my series of writing advice for cutting down your word count. Maybe with this, you can do better than me and actually get your word count down to your desired goal. XD

Believe in yourself and be kind to your inner child who convinced you to start the journey you’re on in the first place. You have come far and your strife is not in vain. ❤

Onward to great things!