Tell, Don’t Show

*gets shot immediately*

Haha, hi! Welcome back to my miniseries about “9 Ways to Lessen Your Word Count.” In this episode, we’ll be exploring how to make enemies with other editors!

Butt seriously, telling instead of showing can really help some writers out!

First, what is “telling” and “showing”?

When writing, these are two ways to convey actions and emotions. You can either tell the reader what happened (She was afraid) or show them (She stepped back, her hands trembling, eyes wide).

Many people will quote the advice of “Show, don’t tell” and that is indeed very useful advice. However, it really does need to be show more often than tell. We don’t always have to say “His legs pumped harder, faster against the earth,” when we can also just say “He ran faster.” It depends on the pacing of the scene and paragraph, as well as, perhaps, the author’s voice. Both are valid—in moderation.

People often say “Show, don’t tell” because many beginning writers don’t know how to show. Their stories may look similar to:

He was ticked off.

She was confused.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” he said. He didn’t need to answer her. She looked like she didn’t care anyway.

We are being told that he’s ticked off, she’s confused, and that she looks like she doesn’t care. It’s not immersive, and it leaves much to be desired (For instance, we have talking heads syndrome here: Where are they and what are they doing while they talk?).

However, it can also be exhausting to read a text that is only showing:

He clenched his fist. His blood boiled as he narrowed his eyes at her, nose twitching.

She furrowed her brow. Her eyes darted over him and she tilted her head.

“What are you doing?” She crossed her arms, watching him thrust his foot at the log that lay across the hiking trail.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” He spat at the ground. She turned her body and took a step with her hiking boots to walk away.

See how it can get exhausting? Too much of a good thing, right? Balance is the real good thing. And balance is different for every writer! However, there are some tips to help you lessen your word count and still maintain immersion.

One of those is—surprise!—telling instead of showing, or at least showing less detail.

Example?

Do we really need to say “…watching him thrust his foot at the log” when we could easily say “watching him kick the log?” Same with “She turned her body and took a step with her hiking boots to walk away.” We can just say “She spun on her heel and walked away,” or even just, “She walked away.” The reader can easily discern the rest from context clues. Likewise, sometimes it’s good to just say “She looked confused.” It’s efficient.

Think about this especially with dialogue tags too. Really, readers do want you to paint a picture, but not every single detail all the time. You can say “she asked” or “she said”—or even just leave it blank sometimes!

Don’t use “said” too much, but don’t be afraid to use “said.”

Too much showing; no simple dialogue tags	Mixing showing, telling, and blank spaces
“I’m going back to the tent.” She shrugged. “No, we have to stick together.” He barred his teeth. “Well, come with me then.” She rolled her eyes and gestured with her head for him to follow. “No.” He sat down and pouted.	“I’m going back to the tent,” she said. “No, we have to stick together.” “Well, come with me then.” She shrugged, annoyance in her voice. “No.” He sat down and pouted.

As I mention in the redundancy article, remember to make sure it doesn’t get confusing who’s saying what if you leave tags out completely. Do this sparingly.

That leads me to the last tip—omission!

George R. R. Martin, I’m looking at you. *Resists the urge to rant about a certain story’s “tax laws.” Just…here.*

Sometimes, an author can be too descriptive. Some readers may like to spend paragraphs learning about food, landscape, paintings. However, if describing the painting has nothing major to do with any other part of the story, it’s best not to spend more than two sentences talking about it.

As mentioned in my Kill Your Darlings – Writing post, make sure every sentence is important for character development or plot/theme. It is important to set the scene, but don’t get lost in it. If it’s bogging down your writing, it’s okay to leave some things out.

Okay, I think that should help show how sometimes telling is the better choice. If you are a wonderfully descriptive person with way too many words in your story, this can also help cut that word count down!

Now, fight me in the comments. And then find some sunlight and hibernate in Vitamin D for a while, you adorable walking plant. ❤ ;P